torn

I should be happy today. I should be celebrating. I have made it through an entire year. It has been a year since I quit methadone.

I've made it through the sickness and fought the agonising physical pain that led me to the evil stuff in the first place.

Instead of celebrating I'm wishing I could run away.

I'm 31 for shits sake - but I'm wishing I could run away!

Im not suicidal, nor am I depressed, but I still don't want to face another day trapped in my life.

I used to say - "You always have a choice - even when it seems you don't" but the 'choice' was to kill yourself. I got over my teenage angst and suicidal tendencies, but it doesn't make choices easier.

Do I stay here miserable and hated or do I run away?

Only problem is that I don't know where to run to...

I AM TORN