?

I just can't fight anymore.

I'm too insecure and overflowing with fear to relax and be happy.

I hate it. I hate myself.




Somehow Silence replaced screaming as the answer.

I'm not sorry

I'm not sorry that there is nothing left to save...

I'm not sorry for anything that we gave.

"Your Ex-Lover Is Dead"

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Point Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

Your Ex-Lover is Dead - Stars

Pain

I'm in so much pain, It is indescribable.
Physical pain, emotional torture and an unsettled heart.

I'm paralyzed by this agony from my chest down. Every small move I make feels like my flesh is tearing. I see a visual image of a butcher carving up a side of beef.

Writhing,agonizing, torturous hell.

Flesh, bone, organs and muscles all screaming. Hot pokers tear through my insides whilst sledge hammers smash against my bones and joints. I'm getting close to the point of giving in. I wish there was something I could do to just ease the pain. Unbearable, intolerable, insufferable out of control tormenting agony.

I think I'd do almost anything just for the relief of a green whistle.

I'm crying, balling like a baby. Tears streaming down my face as I hear a voice begging for the pain to stop, not realizing it's my voice that is pleading for relief.

I mustn't have been being quiet enough for I managed to gain the unwanted attention of the asshole who is my ex (& very annoyingly my flatmate) I'm laying on the lounge rocking in pain, tears streaming down my face, begging to a god I know does not exist - My ex chooses this moment to tell me exactly how and why I deserve the pain.

His diatribe, his regularly regurgitated spiel begins. This time it gets physical. All the dirty dishes get wiped off the bench and they crash and break against the floor. Glass bottles get thrown at me - How dare I spend money on alcohol. Alcohol I need to cope with having to share this roof.

I am unwanted, hated, horrid, disgusting, useless and a waste if space and oxygen. Sadly this line comes flying out of the mouth of my almost 13 yr old son. Leave. We hate you. We don't want you here. I wish you were dead. Do me a favor and kill yourself.

Still can't work out what hurts the most - my body conspiring against me - or my family hating me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be there.
I don't want to be any fucking where.