Love leaves you bleeding

If you haven't heard of gibran - google him.

If your hurt by love google gibran on love - & whilst your at it gibran on joy and sorrow

It's really good shit - the more we hurt, agonise and experience true pain, the greater we appreciate, comfort, love & pleasure.

Right now - today for some reason I just want to throw my fist through a wall, down a bottle of valium and chase it with a bottle of tequila. After which I'd probably actually eat the worm (despite its inherit grotesqueness) then stumble half naked to the beach and try to swim to L.A. Sadly I can't even successfully go on a stupid bender - stupid bloody logical brain!

I want to scream. I want to scream so loud they hear it on mars. I want to shatter the windows, so that people can see inside, see how much I'm hurting (wether its me hurting me or someone else is still up for debate - but I fall on the me side), so that maybe a little of the hurt and injury can evapourate.

The first time round, it was painful. It burnt deep into my soul, like a branding iron a farmer uses to lay claim to his cattle, your name was burnt into my soul oh so long ago. And unlike other scars, burns never go away. 

Sure I forgot about you, the marks I carved into my thigh faded, but your name remained branded on my soul.

The brand shouldv'e reminded me of the pain, a sign to say don't do that again, you only just escaped the first time round. Why didn't I pay heed to any of the warning signs my heart, body, spirit and soul were flooding my head. Why did I let you in. Why did I give you the power to hurt me again.

Because I found you with the soul purpose of hurting you & causing you some severe pain -despite me thinking you're immune to pain, I think that Karma is teaching me a lessson.

I just want to know what happenned, why did the silence start? and maybe you could tell me what I did wrong so ashelp me to never make the same mistake again. Or you could just make me hate you so that I can spit on your memory and walk away with my head hed high. . .

. . . Because this is just agonisingly painful, trying to guess as to what happenned after we got over that first speed hump.

I'm actually really stupid, because there is no way on earth 'we' could work, unless it was a casual hook up thing (which to be honest - I'd be pretty happy with). Theres to much hidden in our shadows to let our lights shine into each others darkness.

If only love left you bleeding . . . then maybe. . . you could get something to help with the pain that is loves aftermath.